The Future. Finally.

Seeing as this is my last blog post for this assignment, I suppose I'll reflect on the year. I've learned quite a lot this year, and not just about myself, but about everyone. I had my share of difficult times this year, but what's weird to think about is, so has everyone else. It's actually kind of unnerving to think of some of the awful things everyone goes through, yet I will never know anything about those difficult times. I like to think of high school as the world, just on a much smaller scale. We all have our different groups of friends, interests, and hobbies. Yet, even on such a small scale, I've only really gotten to know a handful of people at Westmont. Thinking about this kind of made me realize that life out of high school is going to be exactly like that. I'm going to stick to a few people I know well that share similar interests and hobbies, while there are 7 billion people out there left for me to meet.

I've always wanted to travel the world, meet different types of people, and experience different cultures, but one can only accomplish so much in a lifetime. I'll never have the time or money to meet more than a couple hundred people outside my own social sphere. All of this gives me a sense of insignificance I should say. I'm just one person, right? I only impact a small group of people, some of which are my family. However, despite any decisions I make, the world will go on. People in China, whom have never heard of me, will wake up at the same time every morning, and go about their day. People in Kenya will suffer from starvation, and Ugandans will still be an oppressed people. As much as I'd like to make changes to all of that, there's only so much one can do. On a global scale, there are tragedies occurring everywhere. Genocide, acts of terrorism, natural disasters, and I can't do a thing about that. Now, while all that is slightly disheartening, I feel that people need to retract from those thoughts a bit. Some things are just out of our control, unfortunately. What I've learned this year is that I need to live my life for no one else, but myself. Because in the end, the world will move on. Even those affected (effected? That's one thing I did not learn this year) by my decisions will eventually move on. So really, what's the point of trying to please others? What's the point of trying to shape yourself into some mold your parents made for you before you were even born?

Well, there is no point. A life well lived is not a life lived to please others. Sure, you can help others. Maybe help the starving, or stand up for a cause you believe in, but the most important thing (this is going to sound super cheesy) is to take your life into the direction you would like to take it. Social stigmas and stereotypes mean nothing. I've spent most of my life trying to please others. My friends, my family, even my teachers. But what I've come to find out is, that is not what makes me happy. And since life is so short lived, why do anything else besides make yourself happy? I hope to direct myself into the future that I want for myself, and nothing less. I hope everyone else can do the same.

Mental Illness and What It Means in Today's World

When looking back through history, the general view on mental illnesses vary greatly from generation to generation. It used to be extremely looked down upon to have a mental illness, and that switched to everyone having a mental illness. In the 19th century there was a huge expansion of insane asylums in the industrialized countries, except they mainly focused on treating morals instead of actual mental illnesses. In the 20th century, we started to see more insane asylums treating disorders and admissions to insane asylums sky rocketed. In the middle of the 20th century, it was extremely common for people to be admitted in the hospital due to mood/personality disorders. Many young women were being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorders, and many different types of Identity Disorders. Hospitals at this time started discovering new ways to treat patients, and it became extremely common to have been admitted to a psychiatric hospital in this time period. Nowadays, hospitalization and mental disorders are glorified in every medium you can find. Media presents mental disorders as something all the celebrities are dabbling in. So many different television shows and movies have been made and are continuing to be made about mental disorders. You think it'd be great that mental disorders are getting the attention they deserve due to the severity of them correct? Well, this is where we are wrong. Mental disorders in the media are seen as equal to any other accessory a person carries, like a watch or a purse. They are never viewed as truly crippling, and are glorified in every sense. We see more and more people claiming to have mental disorders without a doctor's note, and the big problem with this, is that what about the people that actually have these disorders?

Well, since mental disorders are presented as so common since so many people tend to claim they are mentally ill, those who actually receive treatment and are hospitalized are outcasted in a way. They are seen as "weaker" because, I mean, so many people we know seem to have the same disorder but they're coping just fine, right? Wrong. Those who are being treated for mental illnesses are no weaker than someone without. Mental disorders are extremely crippling, which people everywhere are seeming to misunderstand. From schools, to friends, to family, to the media we are seeing mental disorders presented in a way that makes the disorder seem easy to deal with and "not that big of an issue." This is extremely bad because of the people who do have mental disorders, their disorder is being shown as something that so many people have and they are able to deal with it so much better and cope way easier with it. The person with the mental disorder is going to feel self conscious about the fact that they have to receive treatment, and are suffering so much from something that everyone else seems to be doing fine with. Not only is this unfair, but it is wrong. No one should be discriminated against just because they are diagnosed with a disease. No one should claim that they have a disease when they are not clinically diagnosed, because it can cause a wide array of issues. No one should look down on someone who has a mental illness, and no one should ever think that someone else is weak for suffering from a mental illness. Treatment and hospitalization should be seen as a good thing, since it can really help people get through their disorders.

Very few people could ever tell me that in their entire lifetimes, they have never known someone with a mental illness. They are so widespread, but because of all the negative connotation that comes with not being able to cope 100% with your disorder, people may just not know what someone else is suffering. People suffering from mental illnesses should not have to hide a huge part of their lives, because a lot of the time, every activity is surrounding that illness, and it becomes such a huge part of that person's life that every decision revolves around it. Then there are people blindly claiming they have certain diseases. This is so wrong on so many levels because no one wants to be dependent on medication or treatment to get through each day without their disease taking over. People who are not diagnosed should either see their doctor if they are concerned, or not say a word because this really truly affects those who are suffering from the illness. Self diagnosis of illnesses are so common nowadays with the new technology that has us list our symptoms and pops out a few diseases that you may or may not suffer from.

Mental illnesses are not something to joke about at all. They are to be taken just as seriously as any other disease. I know this is common, but I need to emphasize how important this next sentence is: "You wouldn't tell someone with cancer to 'just get over it,' so why would you say that to someone suffering from depression?" Depression is just one example of an illness that effects a wide variety of people, and also a common illness that many people like to identify with. Personally, I have no knowledge as to why someone would diagnose themselves with a disease without actually getting word from a doctor, but it happens all the time. This leads to people viewing the disease as something you can "just get over" since so many people seem to be able to. Now, those who really struggle with the illness, are afraid to tell people about their illness, and sometimes are even afraid to seek out treatment. They feel "different" because they can't just get over the illness. What a lot of people don't seem to understand is that dealing with a mental illness is not correctly portrayed in the media. The media never shows how much of a mental toll an illness can take on someone, the media displays mental illness as, for lack of a better term, a "cool" thing to go through. Reality, however, is much different.

Basically, mental illnesses need to start to be taken much more seriously, and definitely not looked down upon. They are more common than we think. Many people do not advertise their illness, so we never know who is actually suffering from what. Glorifying mental illness is actually very harmful, and it really makes mental illnesses not receive the serious attention that they need.

I feel like this needed to be said because the topic of mental illness in a serious tone is almost taboo, especially in the educational setting, even though most people have been affected by mental illnesses in one form or another. Really, what I'm trying to emphasize with this post, is the severity of mental illnesses. They should not be taken lightly.

Home Sweet Home

Everyone has a future they've picked for themselves. Whether its go to college, get a degree, start a business, or take a few years off, they all have one thing in common: Getting away from home. No one pictures themselves trapped in the house with their parents and under their jurisdiction. Everyone imagines all the crazy, late nights with amazing friends, and having the overall freedom to do whatever they want. No parents to worry about catching you, or standards to meet. You're on your own, and I think this is every teenager's dream. Independence is so close and within reach, that teenagers often rebel against their parents in order to practice this freedom they long for. After focusing on all these hopes and dreams, everyone forgets to ask some important questions. What happens when you are on your own? Away from the world? Separated from the people that you grew up with and love you unconditionally? Well here's the reality of it.

You're going to be waking up in a different bed every morning, and not to the smell of your mom's famous waffles. So much will change over night: your bed, your surroundings, where you live, who you live with, but it won't sink in till a few days later. It'll most likely hit you when you're by yourself in this new, foreign space with unrecognized surroundings. But, I mean, come on. You've got freedom! You can stay up as late as you want, sleep in till whatever time you want, eat whatever you want, and make your own rules to live by for once. Then you go off in to the world, defining who you are by what college you're going to, what classes you're taking, and what your future plans are. You are put out in to the world to find yourself, and make a new life. You take the road less traveled, and sometimes the road most traveled. You make mistakes, but who cares right? No one to get in trouble with! Then that once unrecognizable room becomes almost as close to home as the room you grew up in does. You start to gain some comfort in this room that is officially yours, just like you had in your childhood house.

Then a long break comes along. Either a break in your classes, or just on your own schedule, and you decide to return home. It feels amazing to lay on the bed you received countless goodnight kisses in, and just spend a few nights in it. Your poster covered walls you spent hours cutting images out of magazines to create readjusts to your eyes. And that smell of being home fills your body. Your home hasn't changed one bit, but you have. You've experiences tons of new things, and seen thousands of new people and places, so somethings feels different. But then you soon come to realize, your room isn't different, and neither is the atmosphere of the house. It's you. And after all these things that have made you and broke you, and created another person, it's always nice to come back to your old room, and in to your parents' open arms. This is the one thing that people don't realize when they picture their futures. They don't realize how much where they came from influences who they are, and what they're going to become. When you take all this in to account, home has never sounded sweeter.

The Future; the Great Perhaps; the Unknown

I'm just going to acknowledge the fact that what I am about to say is completely unoriginal, considering it was sparked from a novel I have just read, and thousands of other people have probably thought these same words. I hate using novels as my basis for new ideas and thoughts, but then again, where are we supposed to receive new ideas and thoughts if not from novels? (Also, I've changed the name of my blog solely based on the reason that my Future is synonymous with the Unknown. I think it fits well with my current situation and relates to this post.) This Great Perhaps, as mentioned in the novel Looking for Alaska, which I have just finished (if you haven't read the book, or any books by John Green, I highly recommend you do), is quite an intriguing idea. I believe we are all in search of this Great Perhaps. Granted, some of us wait around for the Great Perhaps to hit us square in the face; we're still expecting it. We still expect something Greater to come out of tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, and ultimately, our lives. John Green's interest in last words of the dead have allowed him to come across the last words of François Rabelais, which were, "I go to seek a Great Perhaps." I take this quote as Mr. Rabelais assuming that by dying, he will reach a Great Perhaps. He has faith that this new venture might possibly bring upon him something beneficial, which I suppose is controversial. Anyone with a belief in the afterlife, and I'm just generalizing here, believes that there are two possibilities. Heaven and Hell. Paradise, and eternal suffering. I doubt anyone feels that they deserve to suffer eternally. This results in people who have faith in an afterlife, believing that this afterlife holds new opportunity for them, which could be another way to say a Great Perhaps. New opportunity. New opportunity is usually viewed as optimistic, since no one is going to knowingly walk in to a situation that will result in anything less than Great outcome. Those who don't believe in some sort of afterlife, generally have faith that at some point in their future, they will reach that Great Perhaps. Taking advantage of every opportunity given to you may or may not bring you closer to that Great Perhaps, which is why I think people are willing to try new things. Why not? Granted, there are people who don't feel this way about their futures, and feel that their Great Perhaps, or in their case, their Unknown, will bring despair (Bless their souls, those are terrible thoughts). By my own definition, any event that has yet to occur, can be filed under the name the Unknown. However Great, or not so Great, this Unknown is, it still exists. All of this incessant rambling brings us to the ultimate question, what is the point of this Future/Great Perhaps, if it is entirely unknown? In other words, why venture in to the Unknown when the Future may not be a Great Perhaps but possibly the Worst Perhaps you have ever experienced? That's what it really comes down to. We start of with an Unknown. If we go further, it's in search of the Future, which in turn, is for hope of a Great Perhaps. But why go further in to that Unknown? Everyone has ventured at some point, but what if this time, it doesn't end in the Great Perhaps that we feel is our purpose? What if we never find that Great Perhaps and we continuously are forced in to venturing into more Unknowns with questionable Futures? The Unknown is named such for a reason, so why take a chance on something that may never happen? This, I think, is where our good friend François Rabelais was wrong. He waited until his last words to search for that Great Perhaps. I suppose that could be blamed on his beliefs that the Great Perhaps was past his last words, but what about the people without those beliefs? Or even if people have such faith, why live for that Unknown, past the last words? While there is a chance that our faiths have truth to them, it's still an Unknown that no one else will ever know until their last words. That's why Rabelais should have ventured in to the Unknown while he could and not wait until his last words. Physically, what happens after our last words, is equivalent to dirt. Literally. There is no disproving that. I guess the point I'm trying to get across is that it is unfair to our friends and family, and ourselves, to wait until the last words to find that Great Perhaps. At least these physical Unknowns we face on a daily basis, can be handled. There's always a solution, while we can't solve our  faith. It's utterly impossible. I think we should solve what we can, while we can, in this physical being of ours. The Great Perhaps we strive for can't be found on a death bed, with famous words being spoken in the last minutes of our physical being. That would force you to lead a commonplace life. No Great Perhaps. We live to prove, and find our Great Perhaps; we don't die for it. While past this life there may be another Great Perhaps, that is entirely Unknown, and will remain Unknown forever, even though it is apart of everyone's destined Future. We should live for the Unknown to find our own Future, and finally, after much searching, discover our Great Perhaps, instead of relying on a bed of dirt to satisfy that need for the Great Perhaps. 

How can hobbies come in to play?

During these past few weeks, I've been getting a lot of questions about soccer. Most are along the lines of, "Do you plan on playing soccer for college? Is that how you're deciding on colleges? Are you going to quit after senior year?" and really the only answer I've been able to give to everyone who has asked me is "I'm not really sure." I would say this is a valid answer, but don't get me wrong, I can't be unsure forever. I suppose I'll put out some streams of consciousness in hopes of reaching a final conclusion. (Also, I apologize for the length of all my posts, I've heard complaints. If you haven't noticed, I like to talk. A lot.)

Soccer has been such a huge part of my life ever since I started playing at age 4. It has forever changed me, and I can't ever imagine giving it up. Unfortunately, reality is that soccer is most likely not going to take me anywhere. Most women do not find a career in soccer, and if they do, it's not necessarily the most stable source of income. This poses a huge problem for me. Am I going to take the responsibility on of playing soccer in college? Well, ideally, I'd love to continue to play something I love, while enjoying the perks of college and balancing school work. I have to admit though, it is definitely not one of my top priorities. I consider myself somewhat of a realist, and I know that my academics are far more important than a hobby I have. Who knows, maybe I'll just play intramural soccer for the college I choose to attend. I mean, if I was offered some sort of scholarship to play soccer at a school that satisfies me academically, I'd sure as heck take up that offer. That most likely won't happen, and I could go on and elaborate on more of my thoughts on the subject, but it's 4 am and I'd rather not. (I got inspiration at 4 am to write a blog post. Typical.) I suppose the bottom line is, I would love to continue playing soccer, if the opportunity arises. But I will not base my choice of college solely on soccer. If it happens to work out that a college I really like, and was thinking about attending, offers me the opportunity to play soccer, I would most likely choose that college. But what do I know when it comes to colleges; I'm 16. I suppose we'll see in about a year or so.

Also, since I was kind of on the topic of hobbies, I decided to put one of my--wait for it--poems on my blog. I didn't really know where else to put it, so I suppose I'll open this one up to classmates. I'm open to comments on this part as well, so hit me with your best shot.

The Blind

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

In this case, the blind don't see much beauty.

However, the sightless see more beauty,

Than the man with 20/20.

Although, the sightless don't see beauty in color,

They compensate with words.

Braille enters deeper into the body

Through a physical medium.

Not just mental.

Those who don't find beauty in words,

Will appreciate the next sightless man they see,
Instead of mourn for themselves.

I could go on explaining the meaning of this poem to you all, but in all honesty it is confusing to explain, and I usually get lost trying to do so. Well, thank you for your patronage. Until next time.

Pharmaceutical Sciences--- NOT Walgreens

As you can tell by the title, in this post I'm going to go further in depth in the realms of pharmaceutical sciences. Basically, what it is and what it is not. I'll start of with the simpler explanation of what pharmaceutical sciences is not. It is not, well at least from my point of view, a pharmacist sitting in Walgreens dishing out pills to old people with diabetes and high blood pressure (This is a direct reference to both of my grandparents). Despite the fact that the head pharmacist at Walgreens makes an incredible salary, that is definitely not a career I want to pursue. I want to be in the action of medicine, a continuously growing industry that changes daily. I want to be in the lab testing different medications that treat a variety of illnesses and diseases. There are many different branches of pharmaceutical sciences, and I could go on Wikipedia and copy and paste the information listed for each one, but I feel that'll be useless for my purposes. Instead, I'll just delve in to the branch that catches my attention.

Pharmaceutical science by definition is "a group of interdisciplinary areas of study involved with the design, action, delivery, disposition, and use of drugs" (Wikipedia). Design, action, and use seem to interest me the most. The three branches of this science that I would consider studying are Pharmacodynamics, Pharmaceutical chemistry, and Pharmacognosy.

• Pharmacodynamics focuses mainly on the drugs' --affect? effect? Who really knows?-- on the human body. A big reason this branch of pharmaceutical science caught my interest is mainly due to the fact that it would be completely awesome to test drugs and see how it affects people, and perfecting a certain drug by doing a series of experiments and tests seems like an entertaining career. I'd much rather work in a type of lab all day over a cubicle. Weighing out the pros and cons of a certain drug is an important task when deciding whether or not to distribute such a drug to the public, and I want to be the one behind the scenes testing this. 
• Pharmaceutical chemistry is basically the study of drug design to create the most efficient and least harmful. This interests me as well because, well c'mon, you get to design medication! Just imagining testing different types of a certain medication to find out which one works best, and is the strongest in fighting a certain virus or disease seems like the career of a lifetime. There are different viruses and diseases that we are coming to find all the time, so this would be a forever changing career that could hold my interest for many years. I wouldn't have to sit in an office doing the same thing over and over again. I'd get to design different medication all the time, and each one would have a different objective. It's like a huge puzzle and I'm the one designing the puzzle pieces. 
• Pharmacognosy is the study of medicine deriving from nature. This branch of pharmaceutical sciences somewhat catches my attention because I feel that nature has so much to offer humans, especially in the realm of medicine. While synthetic medicine is effective, I feel that there would be less issue with medicine deriving from nature. Considering that there are so many different species of plants and animals that we have yet to encounter, it's about time that someone discover them. 

After all of the research I've done on the subject, I've narrowed down the distinct fields that I feel would suit me best. Delving in to the realm of pharmaceutical sciences have made me realize that college apps are not that far away, so I have to start looking in to colleges that offer this major. Regarding UC's, I know quite a bit about them. Those aren't the issue. Private and out of state colleges are what are troubling me. I suppose I'll make that my next project. Stay tuned, readers. 

A Little More About Me

I suppose I'll call these my hobbies:

Instead of droning on about different majors and colleges that are within my realm of possibility, I'll throw in a firsthand account of my own guilty pleasures.

(I apologize in advance if my subjects become scattered. My brain works that way.)
If you view the general population, I doubt you could find one person that would not like to make their hobby in to a career. For the most part, a person's hobby begins to decline in practice due to "real world" activities (mainly work and family). I, for one, hope that these future nuisances do not interfere with my creative mind's doings. Don't get me wrong, I am a realist. The possibility of my hobbies aligning with a future career that can support me and a family is slim, but I don't see any harm in humoring myself. I suppose it's about time to interrupt this captivating intro and get right in to the subject at hand; my hobbies. 

My hobbies can be separated in to three different categories:

• Soccer: I first started playing soccer at age 5 in a rec league. It was co-ed and really, just for fun. I continued in this rec league (South Bay) for many years, improving a lot over the years. I played on a team called Fusion starting at age 6 and continued to play with that team until age 14. That team was like my family. We went through our bad seasons, and our winning seasons together. We were all such close friends, and that is completely irreplaceable. Once we were all 12 years old, we felt that we needed to apply our skills and move up to a comp league. We had a good first two seasons, and from there it went downhill. Many people left the team, and we received new players constantly. The team eventually broke up, and I started becoming a little more serious about soccer. I started playing keeper at about age 7, and still play that position today. My first "true" keeper training began my freshman year when I made the Girls' Varsity soccer team. My previous coach from Fusion keeper trained me on a daily basis for an entire season. I then joined a more competitive soccer team where I received one-on-one keeper training from a coach there, as well. This greatly improved my technical skills, and overall skills. Once I realized my own potential, this is where my passion for soccer really transformed. I looked forward to practice on a daily basis, and even though some trainings made me puke out of difficulty, I still enjoyed them. I'd have to describe soccer as more of a passion, rather than a hobby. However unlikely, it will forever be a dream of mine to play professionally on the USA's Women's National team. I plan on carrying out my soccer career up until the end of high school, and if given the opportunity, all throughout college. 
• Reading: I have to admit, I'm somewhat of a book nerd. I have a growing list of 70+ books that I plan on reading, and my most prized possession is my book shelf. I have a huge spectrum of different genres of books I read. (I even occasionally indulge myself in the classic teen romance fiction to satisfy the teenage side of me.) My floating bookshelves have yet to be installed, but soon! I've always loved reading, ever since the Magic Tree House series. A few key series like Harry Potter or A Series of Unfortunate Events truly caught my interest and sucked me in to the world of books. I, for one, can never choose a favorite book. It is usually the book I read last. Changing topics into why I love reading, is it's an easy escape from reality. Despite how cliche that sounds, it is all too true. I'm able to pick up any book and engage myself in a whole other world, with different people, and different situations. I don't think I can express my love for reading in any other way. I don't really understand people who say they "hate reading," but I suppose it is just their loss. Maybe they'll come around one day.
• Poetry: Oh, yes. Another teenage girl that has a fascination with poetry. On the bright side, I am thoroughly convinced I would win Augustus Waters' approval in the fact that my love for writing poetry does not surmount my love for reading poetry. (Please tell me at least someone gets my reference to The Fault in Our Stars. This book, among many, is a guilty pleasure of mine.) I suppose my hobby of reading and writing poetry sparked in 8th grade when we were given an assignment towards the end of the year to write two poems. The poetry section we had just finished had me pretty excited, and I completed the assignment with ease. I realized how nicely I could make my words flow, and what an easy way of expression this was. I began studying different types of poetry on my own time, and even writing my own poems. I've been doing this nonstop since 8th grade, and I never get bored of writing or reading. Since I was never the artistic type, I never had a true way of creatively expressing myself, but poetry filled in that gap for me.

Now, you may ask, how does this encapsulate my future? Well, my hobbies will always be apart of me, no matter what the future holds for me. Even if I cannot turn my hobbies into my career, I will always engross myself in such pleasures. I'll attempt to balance my monotonous every day life with these hobbies in hopes of reserving my sanity. I hope I have intrigued you all once again with the ties between my hobbies and future career prospects. Please, hold the applause. (I should have added sarcasm to my list of my hobbies).